TW: ED, Suicidal thoughts I never thought I’d become unaccustomed to guilt, or at least I thought it impossible to be greeted by this more powerful newer version of it. The guilt up until recently I’d had mulling about my thoughts was that targeted at myself, guilt for eating, guilt for not exercising, guilt for … More Guilt

TW: Depression, Suicidal ideation This year is coming to a close, though some of our feeling may vary I think as a whole we can all agree 2016 has been hard. From the syrian refugee crisis, Trump becoming president elect, Natural Disasters, earthquakes striking my home country to the deaths of Gene Wilder, Prince and … More Years Reflection pt 1

TW: ED, Suicide At my sickest I felt this level of separation between myself and reality. Days felt empty, I could not sleep. I viewed my body as my anchor. I was lonely, angry, suicidal but at least I was thin. My body was my mantra. I had become addicted to my own starvation, my … More Body and mind

TW: Sexual assault, ed, ptsd Somedays I feel on top of the world, that I’m taking steps forward, growing as a person, defying my disorders. Retraining my brain in ways that are not self destructive. Challenging disordered thoughts, working against them. Other times it’s hard for me to believe recovery is best for me. In … More Understanding

TW: ED I have used distraction as both a positive and a negative coping mechanism. I have described my eating disorder as a distraction before, although I am still cautious using that phrasing. I find it in my situation to be true. Over the Summer when I was at my sickest I would use the … More Disheartened

TW: ED I’ve been binge eating since I was a small child, as stated in previous entries it brought me comfort. Food and my relationship with it has always been warped. Were as when I was younger I saw it as a comfort, a friend. I now see it as something I yearn for but ultimately … More Shame

TW: Eating disorders, Sexual assault Ptsd is perhaps the diagnoses of which I understand the least of. I understand that it is simply my body’s reaction to a traumatic event. A survival mechanism. I find myself often resisting reading into the disorder. I feel like this comes from a place of denial. Denial of what … More Denial

TW: Depression, Suicidal idealization At the lowest points of my life, I found it impossible to imagine a future and impossible to live with myself in the present. I have a tendency to romanticise the past I feel like this in the past has given me a warped view on recovery. Like many people who … More Growth

This is the excerpt for a placeholder post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. … More Reflection